15 Symptoms of Arabitis*

[inflammation of one’s Arabness]

1. Severe allergic reactions, such as wheezing, rashes, vomiting and headaches, to Fox News and/or Glenn Beck
2. A hoarse and sore throat after demonstrations
3. Paranoid fears and delusions, including ringing ears, when others are talking about you
4. Swelling of the hands from over-gesturing during conversation
5. Prolonged erection and dream-like trance when Arab people depose a dictator (side effect of over-consumption of TV news)
6. Abnormally long pinky fingernail
7. Inflated feeling of self-importance when given a sound bite in local TV news report.
8. Suicidal thoughts or rage when cut off on the highway or publicly humiliated
9. Over-exaggerated Arabic accent when speaking English
10. Short-term amnesia when friends loan you money
11. Tightness in the chest when Republican presidential candidates talk about Islam, or any American politician talks about Israel.
12. Increased sweating and nervousness when asked to donate to a Muslim charity
13. Trouble sleeping when an Arab country is attacked
14. Parsley teeth syndrome.
15. Compulsive need to lecture about any subject regardless of one’s familiarity or knowledge

[Tarboush Tip: Will, Nadeem]